It was the summer of 2010 and although I had seen you about and thought “yeah I could have that” nothing more had crossed my mind. But that summer it all changed. I knew that I wanted, no needed you, that my life would be complete with you. The more I saw you when I was out and about that desire for you grew more and more. I decided my husband need not know who or what you were.
Then a chance meeting on Marylebone High Street, I grabbed you and we disappeared into our own private room. We got close, I began to undress and then the realisation struck me...
Bollocks, Bollocks.... F**king Bollocks..!! You have skinny legs, I have chunky calves, surely this doesn’t mean that I am not meant to have you? How did I not see this before we got into the room? I can’t get you off, you are firmly stuck, I am panicking, doing the penguin walk, what am I to do? Then two becomes three as I struggle to take you off, I call my friend in to help. We tug and tug trying to be careful that you don’t rip; blood is drawn as we undo the zips to see if that helps. But it doesn’t.
Finally after what seems like hours, we emerge from the room, hot, sweaty and slightly embarrassed. Giggling, I get that knowing look from the other women in the shop. I have one last moment with you then I put you back knowing that we were never meant to be.
But you will always be in my thoughts x
Santa’s grotto – Shorne Country Park
19 hours ago