Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Ill Fated love affair

It was the summer of 2010 and although I had seen you about and thought “yeah I could have that” nothing more had crossed my mind. But that summer it all changed. I knew that I wanted, no needed you, that my life would be complete with you. The more I saw you when I was out and about that desire for you grew more and more. I decided my husband need not know who or what you were.

Then a chance meeting on Marylebone High Street, I grabbed you and we disappeared into our own private room. We got close, I began to undress and then the realisation struck me...

Bollocks, Bollocks.... F**king Bollocks..!! You have skinny legs, I have chunky calves, surely this doesn’t mean that I am not meant to have you? How did I not see this before we got into the room? I can’t get you off, you are firmly stuck, I am panicking, doing the penguin walk, what am I to do? Then two becomes three as I struggle to take you off, I call my friend in to help. We tug and tug trying to be careful that you don’t rip; blood is drawn as we undo the zips to see if that helps. But it doesn’t.

Finally after what seems like hours, we emerge from the room, hot, sweaty and slightly embarrassed. Giggling, I get that knowing look from the other women in the shop. I have one last moment with you then I put you back knowing that we were never meant to be.

But you will always be in my thoughts x

12 comments:

Crystal Jigsaw said...

And mine...!! Oh to have slim legs and not be limited!

Love the birthday cake on your previous post.

CJ xx

Nick Turrell said...

Nice angle to the story, well written, look forward to reading some more

Frankie P said...

thanks for the feedback, much appreciated..

Mila said...

Oh I love the clever way you told this story. It's apt for my experience with trying on skinny jeans. I love the Audrey Hepburn pants but my non-Hepburn calves have me thrashing about like I was having empty, wild sex in the dressing room.

Stigmum said...

That's hilarious!!! Was quite taken in there for a little minute!!

Love in the Nest said...

This is brilliant! heehee very funny and well written x

bod for tea said...

Oh to be the shape for skinny jeans! The panic, the sweating, yep been there too. Thanks for making me chortle into my coffee this morning. P.S. visiting from Love New Blogs *waves*

fivegoblogging said...

oh how many twarted love affairs have their been? In my case, too many to mention :-)

LagosMum said...

I love the way skinny jeans look - but I've never had the guts to actually try on a pair. I'm waiting for the day when I don't have a muffin-top. Think I'll be waiting a while!

Annie said...

The trauma of the skinny jeans !

You can find this post of yours highlighted over on the BritMums blog too ... x
http://www.bmbblog.co.uk/2011/09/newbie-tuesday-.html

Chatty Baby said...

ha ha! I think you're brave to even try on skinny jeans - Mummy never has been.

Chuckalicious said...

Love it! As a guy even I suffer from chunky leg syndrome - legwear was strictly limited until I found a brand of trousers called Kuhl - they are walking trousers (but look good) and are a lot more generous in the legroom dept! I wear nothing else now.