Monday, 15 August 2011
Dear Mr Fox
It’s over between us! The honeymoon period of 4 ½ years is totally finished, it’s no more. Yes, we used to think you cute and endearing, the boys gathering round the windows at dawn and dusk to watch you in the garden. Hell I even used to leave the odd chicken carcass out for you, and how do you repay me? By shitting on my lawn! No, actually you crap wherever it takes your fancy, lawn, footpath, doorstep, hell you have even managed to crap on the boy’s slide a couple of times!
Now Mr Fox, don’t think I have turned anti-fox on you, I haven’t. I have no problem with you living at the end of the garden, you just need to stop crapping everywhere. Honestly I don’t want to have to do poo patrol every morning before the boys go out to play. My boys are Kiwi kids they want to be able to run around outside in their barefoot without running through berry infested poo!
Hell, the liberal leftie bit of me even supported the hunting ban, stopping your country cousins from being torn apart by dogs. So I feel the least you can do is to cut me some slack and stop using our garden as your own private loo!
So in closing Mr Fox, you can snooze on my lawn, tear the odd ball up but if you want to poo can you pop next door?
Frankie P xx
PS.. Be warned Mr Fox, Mr P grew up hunting in the countryside so is a dab hand with a rifle..