Monday, 8 August 2011

This is still Hard.. But it is getting Better...


So it’s been 5 months now since I became a SAHM.  In case you don’t know the back history this was a choice I made after being made redundant in March and why I started to blog.  Yes, I know, I was lucky enough to be able to make that decision so I shouldn’t be moaning about things.

However 5 months on, it has been pretty much life changing and hard, and to be honest it still is for me.  So let me share with you the things that I really truly hate and seem to struggle with about being a SAHM.  So in no particular order we have..

Mealtimes:  I hate meal times with a fucking passion.  In fact I have always hated organising dinner so it’s just not since the kids came along. But really having to organise meals for a day and then plan a week really does my head in.  My husband isn’t a foodie at all, so eating to him is something you need to do to survive.  So asking him what he would like to eat for dinner is rather pointless, “not fussed” or “whatever” are the usual response!  To make matters worse he can’t really cook either, I blame his mum and first wife for that one!  Then there is the delights of my little angels, luckily the Son No 2 will still hoover anything I put in front of him but not Son No 1.  It is a constant battle to get him to eat his dinner, unless of course it is baked beans.  Many a day I have spent cooking meals for him, for him to turn around and refuse to eat, he won’t even taste the bloody stuff.  At the moment he doesn’t like, pasta, rice, noodles or potatoes..  Oh, why do I bother, perhaps a diet of baked beans will be good for him!

Housework:  I am not talking about the tiding up of things.  I mean the actual back breaking tedious housework of mopping floors, dusting, cleaning sticky finger prints of doors etc.  We used to have a cleaner when I was working who would pop in for a couple of hours a week to do all this.  But on stopping work I decided we didn’t need her anymore, oh what a bad move that was.  I resent the fact that I have to do all of this, I know I am at home and have the time to do it but that doesn’t make it any better.  Mr P would be happy to do some of it during the weekend but then that would eat up what valuable family time we have in the weekend.  So big question is do I get the cleaner back?  No, as I can’t justify it really if I am at home twiddling my thumbs.

Children Chitchat:  Not talking about the funny day to day chit chat with my boys what I am talking about is mothers I meet who incessantly talk about their little darlings and their deeds.  Let’s get this straight, “yes I am a mum but I have been on this fair planet for the best part of 40 years and in that time I have done more than give birth to two little mini me’s.  I have in fact done many things like, swum in the Borneo rainforest, canoed down the Zambezi, and ridden elephants, does that interest you?  No?  Then why do you think I am interested in what your little darling is doing and what he\she got on their report card?  Please is there anything else you would like to talk about, any current affairs, I will even do celebrity gossip?”

School Holidays:  Nothing needs to be said about this other than they seem to be on holiday all the time and it fucks up MY routine!

So as you can see it’s a short list, and it is getting better.  The good points really are starting to outweigh what I hate or struggle with. 

The one thing that is making it better for me is having the opportunity to watch the relationship and companionship between my sons develop and grow.  The idolisation of the eldest from the younger, the teaching, torture and tormenting from the eldest to the younger,  the battle for possession of toys (the eldest hides them!), the ongoing violence, the ability of the youngest to ‘hold his own’ in battle, all interrupted by small bouts of genuine warmth to each other and playing together nicely.  Things I wouldn’t see if I was working...

13 comments:

Mum2babyinsomniac said...

I completely agree with you on the first two! I absolutely dread trying to work out what to cook and my OH is exactly the same, all he says is 'don't know, suprise me' or 'I don't mind', it drives me mad! And I can't stand cleaning, well I don't actually get a chance to clean which is more to the point. As for the Summer holidays, well they are a nightmare for me as all the playgroups stop, entertaining a 9 month old baby all day is hard work! I know I would be moaning just as much if I was still at work though and I know I will probably miss this when Iyla isn't a baby anymore. Life would be a lot easier with a cook and a cleaner though! x

Frankie P said...

Oh yes so agree, a cook and a cleaner would make things so much more bearable. if only....

Sarah said...

Well I've stayed at home since having my last 3. 8 years in September to be exact. I still hate fucking cleaning... I tell myself weekly that I'll be good and consistent but no... Coffee comes up or something as "important" as that.
Meals, well I love food but am a real 80s cook (eg pea pie and pud). I have a husband who isn't fussed, a Hoover for one daughter and two picky arse kids that drive me nuts daily (I swear those two go to bed hungry most days), but I hate organizing the meals - boring.
And I use Facebook to post about my kids and when have coffee with anyone my conversation is childless (like my company), yeah enough is enough.

I'm pretty sure you're normal
Xx

Sarah said...

I forget, my husband asks me regularly if I want a cleaner - one of these days I will and I won't let the fact that it's supposed to be "one of my jobs as a stay at home mum", stop me. Fuck it - do it, reemploy your cleaner, you gotta be happy :-)

Nel said...

I find bathtimes hard. I hate the screaming, getting splashed and arguing when its time to come out. And Im usually ratty as its the end of the day. In fact if my husband is home I usually skulk off and put some washing away.

Im a SAHM and have a cleaner. I would rather live in filth than clean!

Frankie P said...

Thanks Sarah, if he is offering then get one..

Nel, i solved the bathtime horror by putting them in the showder instead.. not to messy..

Fox in the City said...

If you can afford, bring back the cleaner! I miss my cleaner . . . she made life just that much better.

I could not do it. I just don't have it in me to be a stay at home mom and I think those that do it are amazing.
Jenn

HerMelness Speaks said...

A friend finds the most tiring part is justifying a day that is jammed packed, hard and still not that interesting to her.

Musings from a mum said...

It's been 10 months for me and I agree with all your points! I have a cleaner because if I didn't the house wld be a pit. I still have to clean every day because we are home so much and host play dates etc.

It is, for me, better than when I worked when I would dash out of door leaving screaming twins, commute to work, work without stopping to leave at 5.30 to get home to do bath time etc. I felt like I failed on all levels, now at least I only fail domestically!

Hubby works away though so I have to say wrestling 3 children into bath and bed is still the bit I hate the most, oh along with tidying up after tea. I have a summer au pair this year as hubby away and big boy not going to pre-Schl so saved some money but will be pretty hard come September.

So I feel your pain! Even tho of course there are also many positives...

Emma said...

You said it all at the very end. Doesn't mean it's not the toughest thing ever though. Losing your identity is a huge part of motherhood that no-one ever explains beforehand! I also can't bear children chit chat, it's mind-numbingly dull, as are people who lose interest in you the moment you say you don't work!!! Only piece of advice I have is buy a slow cooker, it has saved me soo much time, even if I do feel like I am back in the seventies! Emma xx

Sarah said...

Ok I'm so tempted to get a cleaner reading all the above posts... Having just sent my baby off to school, I don't know if I can justify it to myself though - the days are mine (doesn't mean cleaning gets any more fun or less tedious!)

Frankie P said...

Thanks for all your comments lovely ladies... After saying i had bathtime sorted it was a tantrum producing nightmare tonight... Should of added that to the list.

Off to dust of the slow cooker..

Sarah said...

Hey guess what? My cleaner starts tomorrow! Haha brilliant...4 hour clean once a week - will do everything including iron (shame she not here on the weekend when I need to iron ), I'm very pleased - and my mother is mortified by my laziness, I say better than living in shit!!!